


They Shattered Only to Rise Again

by BlainexKurtxLovex



Series: Broken and Betrayed [3]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Hatred, Manipulation, Obsessive Behavior, Past Brainwashing, Past Character Death, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Sexual Abuse, so much more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-04-13 21:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14120736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlainexKurtxLovex/pseuds/BlainexKurtxLovex
Summary: A couple months have passed since C.C. broke into Pendragon. Lulu has kept up the act of being the perfect wife and mother while hoping to escape both her father and Suzaku. But, what happens when Lulu escapes and takes Rhiannon with her? How will Suzaku cope? And how will they come together again? Suzaku x Fem!Lelouch





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am happy to present the third installment of the Broken Love and Betrayal Abound series. I am planning for this installment to be a bit longer than the first two. I know the second one was surprisingly short, but I did that for a specific reason.  
> Enough about that though!!!  
> Enjoy the first chapter of They Shattered Only to Rise Again!  
> *I own nothing!!! Rhiannon is mine, but everything belongs to their original creators!!  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex

It was another sleepless night for Lulu as she got up for what her newborn child needed this time. Rhiannon was screeching in her crib and Lulu was starting to get a headache from the sound. The child wanted nothing more, it seemed, than to keep her beloved mother from getting any rest whatsoever. Suzaku was dead to the world it seemed since he hadn’t moved from his spot on their shared bed in hours.

It had been several weeks since C.C.’s arrival and the return of most of her memories prior to her marriage to Suzaku and the birth of their child. There were parts of her memory that were still fuzzy, but in time Lulu assumed they would come back. Lulu only had to be patient, not only for her memories, but to escape from Suzaku’s clutches.

He was being way too clinging in her opinion and rarely left her alone. He wouldn’t leave for more than half an hour at a time or he would send Rolo to look after her if he was ordered to be gone longer. Suzaku said it was for her own safety and that he didn’t want anything bad to happen to her, but she knew better. She may have convinced him that she had not been affected by C.C.’s appearance, but Suzaku wasn’t taking any chances that his wife and the witch would come in contact again.

Lulu walked into the nursery and shushed her child. Rhiannon quieted almost instantly once her mother came into view. Lulu picked her up and held her close as she hummed a small tune to keep the child quiet. Rhiannon reached out a hand to her and Lulu placed a slender finger between her tiny ones.

Lulu hated to admit it, but over the last couple of months she had grown to adore her child. The hatred she once had for the infant who kept her tied to Suzaku now became a new reason to stay. But even with this reason, Lulu still held the belief that she would get out from underneath the direct rule of her vile father. She also knew that she would take her daughter with her when she did.

Lulu knew that taking Rhiannon away with her would probably kill Suzaku, but she had no love for him at the moment. Lulu kept putting off any intercourse with him because she couldn’t even think about having any sexual contact with him. She tried to appease him with slow passionate kisses and cuddling, but Lulu knew that those would have to come to an end eventually.

Lulu walked over to the rocking chair and sat down so that she could rock her child to sleep. Rhiannon was almost already back to dreamland, but Lulu just wanted to hold her. She wanted to make sure that no one would take her child from her. Once she was comfortable and Rhiannon was situated Lulu began to rock the chair back and forth.

Her mind wandered back to Suzaku and the events that played out only hours before.

_Lulu had been putting a new diaper on Rhiannon and cooing at the child when Suzaku came into the room. He came up behind her and looked over her shoulder to smile at the child. He reached around her and petted Rhiannon on the head before dropping a kiss onto Lulu’s neck affectionately. Lulu repressed a shiver of revulsion as she plastered a smile on her face._

_“She is absolutely beautiful, Lulu,” he whispered._

_“That she is,” Lulu replied. “Unfortunately, this little beauty needs her sleep.”_

_Rhiannon let out a long yawn as her mother spoke and Suzaku chuckled. He stepped away from them and Lulu picked up the child from the changing table. Lulu placed a soft kiss on her daughter’s forehead before making her way to the crib where she laid Rhiannon down._

_“Go to sleep, darling.”_

_As if on her mother’s command Rhiannon’s eyes fell shut. Lulu smiled again and turned around to find Suzaku staring at her with concern. Lulu raised an eyebrow before waving him out of the room. Suzaku followed her silent gesture and Lulu followed quickly after him before shutting the door softly behind her. She wouldn’t have to worry about hearing her child since the baby monitor was on and the matching speaker was attached to her hip by way of a clip._

_Lulu focused her gaze back on her husband and waited. His face was blank as he approached her and Lulu stood her ground. This wasn’t the first time Suzaku would approach her as if she was a dangerous enemy, but she did her best to not let it rattle her._

_“What is wrong with you, Suzaku?”_

_“Nothing,” he answered. Lulu rolled her eyes at him. He may have gotten better at lying to her, but she knew he was definitely worried._

_“Then why are you looking at me like I’ve sprouted a second head or something?”_

_“No…” he answered with a small shake of his head. Lulu wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want to even think about answering her question or if he was trying to clear his mind of whatever he had been thinking._

_“Then what is it?”_

_A small smile found its way onto his face and he reached out a hand to stroke her cheek. Lulu leaned in because it was expected of her not because she wanted to…at least that was what she told herself._

_“I can’t just stare at my beautiful wife?” he inquired. “I can’t gaze at the perfection that gave birth to my lovely child?”_

_“You can when the look in your eyes doesn’t scream ‘danger’ when you look at me,” she replied. She pushed his hand away from her face and made to step around him. Suzaku grabbed her hand before she could get too far away._

_“I wasn’t looking at you…”_

_“Save me the lie, Suzaku,” Lulu hissed. “Ever since that woman arrived and broke into my hospital room you seem to be tiptoeing around me. Sometimes I catch you looking at me as if I really am Zero and you are just waiting for the moment when I try to kill you.”_

_“Lulu…that isn’t…”_

_“You told me that I wasn’t Zero and yet,” she interrupted yanking her hand from his grip, “you look at me like I am. What am I supposed to believe, Suzaku?”_

_“It was never my intention to make you feel as if I don’t trust you, Lulu,” Suzaku answered softly._

_Lulu crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at him. “So, the constant surveillance and you never leaving for more than half an hour are supposed to be your ways of showing that you trust me?”_

_Suzaku ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve told you, Lulu. It’s for your own safety. C.C. is still out there and next time she might actually succeed in taking you away. I just want you safe and as your Knight that is my duty.”_

_“Whatever,” Lulu spat. She turned on her heel to head to the dresser to grab her pajamas when she felt Suzaku’s arms wrap around her waist. His head rested on her shoulder and his breath was warm against her throat._

_“I don’t want to go to bed with you angry at me, Lulu,” he said._

_“That’s just too bad for you then,” Lulu replied._

_“Can I make it up to you?” Suzaku questioned._

_Suzaku didn’t give her a chance to answer. His lips were already against her throat. The kiss was soft and he continued to plant more all the way to her ear before his tongue flicked out against the lobe. Lulu’s breath hitched, but it wasn’t out of pleasure like he seemed to think. Lulu was trying her hardest to keep from throwing up._

_“No, I’m not in the mood, Suzaku,” Lulu bit out._

_“I’m sure I can get you in the mood, Lulu,” he challenged._

_He moved his hands so that they were on her hips and he began rubbing soothing circles there. His face was still against her neck and if Lulu was stronger she would have pulled away, but he held her still. Suzaku resumed his kissing back down her neck and to her shoulder._

_Lulu’s stomach rolled and one hand flew to her mouth and the other grasped at one of Suzaku’s wrists in an attempt to keep herself steady. Suzaku must have taken it as a sign that she was enjoying herself, because his teeth bit into her shoulder. Pain spiked through her and Lulu did the only thing she could think of and that was dig her fingernails into her husband’s skin._

_“Shit, Lulu,” Suzaku squealed. “What did you do that for?”_

_“So that you would let go,” Lulu answered as she moved away from him._

_Suzaku moved closer to her again so that he could again reach out and touch her. Lulu turned around and pushed him away from her. His emerald eyes widened in shock as he looked at her and saw the anger swirling in her violet orbs._

_“What is going on, Lulu? You used to love it when I…”_

_“I said I wasn’t in the mood, Suzaku. You blatantly ignored my words and now I’m even more pissed at you than I was before,” Lulu cut him off._

_“I just wanted to be affectionate, Lulu. I miss holding you and…”_

_“I’m just not...You just spent the last several minutes staring at me like I was some…some monster. How do you expect me to be affectionate towards you when you act like that?”_

_Lulu was only being partially honest with herself and with Suzaku. Her body missed Suzaku’s touch, but her mind and heart couldn’t think about anything except that he had betrayed her. No matter how much her body wanted to feel Suzaku’s hands on her or his skin against hers she couldn’t let him. She would lose all rational thought just like that night on Kamine Island and she refused to let that happen again._

_“You are not a monster, Lulu,” Suzaku stated. Lulu thought it sounded more like Suzaku was reminding himself or, at the very least, trying to convince himself that she wasn’t._

_“Then don’t look at me like I am,” Lulu countered. “I don’t know how I am supposed to be intimate with you when you spend most of your time seemingly waiting for me to do or say something wrong.”_

_Suzaku just stood there staring at her. Again, his face was blank and she couldn’t even read the emotion in his eyes anymore. Lulu wasn’t sure she wanted to anyway. She was afraid that every day she stayed with him and away from her cause the possibility of her leaving would diminish. Lulu already didn’t want to leave Rhiannon behind and she knew that if Suzaku put enough effort into it, he just might convince her to stay._

_“Will you come here?” Suzaku questioned. He opened his arms for her and after one step forward she stopped. “Lulu?”_

_Why couldn’t she just turn away from him and walk into the bathroom or back into the nursery? Why couldn’t she deny him everything when all she wanted was to be held in his arms? The line she had tried to draw between them after C.C.’s break-in seemed to be blurring quicker than she had anticipated. Why was there still a part of her that wanted Suzaku to wrap her up in his arms and protect her from everything?_

_Why?_

_“Lulu, please? I just want to hold you. I promise I won’t do anything more.”_

_Lulu nodded slowly and watched as a small encouraging smile spread across her husband’s handsome face. Lulu moved forward and rested her head against Suzaku’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Lulu relaxed against him even though her mind was yelling at her not to._

_“I love you, Lulu. You know that, don’t you?”_

_“Yeah, I know,” she answered._

Lulu’s mind returned to the present. Rhiannon had shifted in her sleep and Lulu couldn’t help but smile down at her bundle of joy. There was drool down the side of her face and Lulu had to hold back a chuckle so as not to wake the child.

Lulu grabbed a clean burp cloth from the table next to her and gently wiped the drool away before getting up again. She took the sleeping child over to the crib and laid her down again. Lulu waited a moment to make sure Rhiannon was fully asleep before she left the room to return to her own bed.

As she crawled into bed, Suzaku stirred and opened his sleepy eyes to look at her. Lulu gave him a small smile as she pulled the covers over herself.

“How is she?”

Suzaku shifted and wrapped an arm around Lulu in order to pull her closer. Lulu allowed him to do so with the hopes that if she did he would go right back to sleep. She was exhausted. She had to keep up the act that she was devoted to Suzaku as well as a loving mother. It was tiring. The second wasn’t nearly as hard as the first seeing as how she had grown to love Rhiannon with all her heart, but the first was driving her mad.

As Suzaku pulled her in and against his chest there was a knock on their room door. Suzaku let out a frustrated sigh and Lulu raised an eyebrow. Who would be calling on them so early in the morning? Surely whatever it was could wait several more hours.

Suzaku removed his arm and threw the covers off. He picked his robe off of a chair before he made his way to the door. Lulu laid still as she waited and listened to the conversation coming from the entrance way.

She also took this moment to silently curse herself and the way her heart was beating so hard against her chest. Lulu couldn’t believe the affect Suzaku had on her sometimes, but she wanted nothing more to throw herself at him and let him make her feel sane. Lulu knew she couldn’t, however. If she let him she would never save Nunnally.

There was a thud from the entrance way and Lulu stiffened. She couldn’t decide if she hoped it was the visitor who was incapacitated or her husband, but either way it didn’t sound good. Lulu threw the blankets off and hurried as silently as she could to Rhiannon’s room. She stood before the door in a vain attempt to protect her child.

Lulu could hear the door close and footsteps coming from the entrance way heading in her direction. She waited and strained to see if she could place the footfalls, but she couldn’t do it. Nunnally had always been better at things like that and so Lulu was, in a sense, up a creek without a fucking paddle. She had no idea how she would fight off the intruder. If it had been Suzaku he would have already told her that everything was fine.

The footfalls got closer and Lulu grasped the handle on the nursery door tightly. It wasn’t that she was truly afraid or scared. She was just worried that whomever had decided to pay her family a visit couldn’t be swayed into leaving her and her child alone.

As the intruder came around the corner Lulu felt a small bubble of laughter being to rise in her throat. She couldn’t believe who was standing before her with an angry scowl and a twitching eyebrow. All she could do was straighten her stance and smile at the intruder in the most relieved way possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, again, I have decided that since this chapter is going to be SUPER long that I am going to get it out to you in parts.   
> This is the first part of Chapter Two!   
> Enjoy and I will get the second part of this chapter out ASAP! ~I don’t think my roommates would let me get away with it anyway. Haha!~  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex

It took a very long moment to realize that he was standing in front of Lulu’s door. He knew it was late and that Lulu would probably be asleep, but he needed to see her. He had lost one princess today and he just wanted to make sure that the other two were safe and alive. He looked down and saw that he hadn’t even changed out of his bloodstained Knight outfit. Lulu would probably lose it when she saw him.

The door was yanked open and Suzaku spared her a quick glance. She had been angry on her way down, but when she saw him standing there the words she had prepared to yell seemed to die in her throat. Suzaku could barely move let alone focus on the woman in front of him even if he had forced himself from Euphie’s side to check on her. It was like he was swimming though oil and everything was moving slowly.

“Suzaku, what is it? What’s wrong?” Lulu questioned. Suzaku couldn’t answer her. The whole thing was still so fresh in his mind. Lulu stepped out onto the porch. “Why don’t you come inside, Suzaku?”

He just nodded because he wasn’t sure he could actually talk. It was extremely hard to stand when all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and scream his anguish into the sky. Lulu took a few steps forward and reached out to take his hand. Suzaku tore his eyes away from the ground to meet her gaze and found worry in her eyes. Lulu gasped at what she saw in his own eyes, silent despair and devastation. He knew that he still had dried tear tracks on his tan cheeks and that his normally bright eyes were red and puffy from crying.

“She’s gone, Lulu,” he whispered.

Lulu raised an eyebrow at him. “Who’s gone, Suzaku?”

“Eu-Euphie…she’s…Zero, he…”     

Suzaku felt the tears pool in his eyes again and drip down his face. Lulu rushed forward and cradled his head in her free hand while she clutched the other tightly. He squeezed her hand back just as hard. He never wanted to let go of someone he cared about ever again. He may have already lost Euphie, but he would be damned if he lost Lulu and Nunnally as well.

It was at this moment that he realized this whole scene was nothing more than a memory. A memory of the day that changed everything between himself and Lulu. The day he gave up his love on Euphie, who was dead and gone, and gave it to Lulu instead. Only to have her betray him and for him to betray her in return. Everything came around full circle, he supposed. He might as well follow this memory until the very end. It wasn’t like he was in control of what would happen anyway. Suzaku would just have to be an active participant till the very end.

“Come inside, Suzaku,” the dream version of Lulu cooed. “I’ll make you some tea and get you a change of clothes. I know you left a duffel around here somewhere.”

Suzaku could only nod again and let Lulu lead him further into the clubhouse. He knew they passed the living room as well as the kitchen before she led him upstairs. He knew this part of the Ashford Academy Clubhouse better than the other members of the student council because he had spent most of his free time with Lulu and Nunnally before he became Euphie’s Knight.

Lulu continued to pull Suzaku down the hall and into her room. She sat him down on the ottoman at the foot of her bed before she made her way to her closet. He assumed that was where his duffel was and he knew that she had kept it there so the other members of the Student Council wouldn’t find it and make assumptions about their relationship.

Lulu brought the clothes over to Suzaku and placed them down beside him. He didn’t move or even look at her though. He had caught sight of his bloodstained clothes again and he couldn’t focus on anything else. He realized that he still had Euphie’s blood on his hands which made him realize that he really had lost Euphie. He had watched and done nothing as that bastard shot the woman he loved right in front of him. 

“Why don’t you put those on and put your suit in the hamper. I’ll wash them tonight for you,” Lulu suggested. Suzaku’s head bobbed of its own volition. “I’m going to make you some tea and I’ll be right back, okay?” As if it was the only gesture he could muster at the moment, he nodded.

Lulu didn’t say anything else as she left him alone in her room to change. He listened to her walk down the hall to where Nunnally’s room was located. She was probably checking to see if his knocking had woken her up. Suzaku felt awful about coming here so late. He knew how Lulu had Nunnally on a schedule so that she could be as healthy as her condition allowed and he had barged in at this late hour.

He would have come sooner, but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave Euphie’s body even after her eyes closed for the final time. Suzaku had tried to keep Euphie with him with promises of going to Ashford together and being a part of something normal. She had nodded and agreed even though she could probably feel the life leaving her.

Suzaku had been looking forward to working with Euphie to make the SAZ a place where the Japanese, his people, could live without being further subjugated to the Britannians, but Zero had taken that dream from him. Zero had taken the woman he loved from him and Suzaku would make sure he paid.

_Geass_. That was what had caused Euphie’s bout of insanity according to the short blonde-haired man that arrived right as Euphie died. He had said that Geass was what had gotten Euphie killed and that Zero wielded it. Zero was the one who changed Euphie into the murderess she would be forever known as. She would no longer be known as the kind and gentle princess that held hope for the future. Instead, Euphie would be known as the Murder Princess.

“This is all Zero’s fault,” Suzaku whispered.

There was a light knock on the door, but Suzaku didn’t answer. The door opened and Lulu stepped into the room. He was sure he looked the same as when Lulu left since he hadn’t moved to even try and put on unsoiled clothes. He heard Lulu sigh as she stepped farther into the room and set the tea tray down on the end table before going into her connected bathroom.

Suzaku watched as she knelt in front of him, but he refused to react. He was still in shock at the fact that Euphie was gone. The woman who had brought so much light into his life and had granted him the greatest gift, was gone. How could he even begin to focus on anything, even the woman kneeling before him who shared her sister’s beauty and grace?

He felt Lulu take his hand in hers gently before wiping the blood from his hands. Something so simple should have felt comforting, but instead it infuriated him. Lulu was wiping away the only thing Suzaku had left of Euphie! She was wiping away the only thing that still tied her to him! How dare she?

“What are you doing?” he demanded.

He pulled away from her and pushed at Lulu’s shoulder in order removed her from his personal space. In that second Suzaku knew, from the look of relief on her face, that he was lucky the blood was dried. If he had left a stain on Lulu’s clothes she would have been beyond furious regardless of his state of mind. They both knew that blood wasn’t exactly the easiest bodily fluid to get out of clothes and Lulu wouldn’t want to have to replace her garment if she didn’t have too.

Lulu took a moment to resituate herself on the floor so that she was again kneeling. She flipped her hair over her shoulder before meeting his angry eyes. “I could ask you the same thing, Suzaku. You haven’t moved or changed your clothes since I left this room a little while ago. I don’t even think you saw me come in until I tried, in vain it would seem, to clean you up.”

Suzaku’s anger diminished. He shouldn’t be angry at Lulu when she was only trying to help. “I’m sorry, Lulu. I didn’t mean too. It’s just…even though it’s her…I can’t seem to…” Suzaku stopped when he realized that he was rambling. He took a deep breath and tried again. “It’s one of the few things I have left of her and I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye just yet.”

“I understand, Suzaku,” Lulu replied calmly. “But, we need to clean you up. You don’t want to wake up in the morning to find blood on your hands and I, personally, don’t want it all over my bedsheets.”

“I know. I know, Lulu. I just…”

“You still have your Knight pin, right?” Lulu questioned even though Suzaku knew she could plainly see it on his uniform. He hadn’t had the heart to take it off. So, he just nodded again. “Then you still have a part of her to hold on to. You were her Knight, Suzaku, and no one can take that time away from you.”

Silence reigned between them for a moment as Suzaku thought about her words. She was right. No one could take away the fact that he had been Euphie’s Knight. No one could take away the times he had spent by her side. He had been one of the people closest to her and that was something no one could deny. He clenched his eyes shut as fresh tears started to fill his eyes and stream down his face.

“I failed, Lulu! I couldn’t protect her!” He pressed the heels of his bloody hands against his eyes. “Zero shot her right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it…to stop him!”

“Suzaku…” Lulu tried.

“This is my punishment for falling in love with her, Lulu. I should have known that I could never be with her like that,” Suzaku continued, “I’m an Eleven and she was a Britannian… a royal no less! I should never have confessed to her right before the ceremony. She hadn’t given me an answer, but…I knew she felt the same. I could just feel it.”

The tears were like waterfalls down his face and he couldn’t seem to stop them. His heart was breaking…shattering into a thousand pieces as he told his best friend that he had been in love with her sister. He was a despicable human being and it had cost him the woman he loved. Hell, it could possibly cost him his best friend too.

“Suzaku, please…”

“She died because I wasn’t able to save her…I wasn’t able to protect her…”

“Enough!” Lulu screamed. She pulled his hands away from his eyes by his wrists, but Suzaku kept his eyes firmly closed. “Zero killed her, Suzaku. It wasn’t because you couldn’t protect her or because you loved her. It was because _Zero shot her_. Nothing you would have done could have changed what happened today, so please, stop blaming yourself. Euphie wouldn’t want you to and neither do I.”

“But…”

“NO!” Suzaku’s eyes shot open and he met her gaze for the first time in a while. Her violet eyes were shining with tears. Her cheeks were red and she was shaking. “I can’t watch you destroy yourself, Suzaku. I was there when your secret about your father’s death was exposed and I didn’t care. I watched as you tore yourself apart over it and…You are my best friend. So, you can’t ask me to…god….”

Lulu released his wrists and he slowly lowered his arms to his knees. He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to stop shaking.

“I can’t watch you do this again…It breaks my heart to see one the one I love….”

Lulu stopped and a hand flew to her mouth. Suzaku’s eyes were wide at her confession and he was positive he had misheard it. Lulu backed away from him as the tears finally spilled over. Suzaku was dazed, but he wasn’t about to let her get away without explaining herself.

“What did you say?” Suzaku questioned. Lulu shook her head and made a break for the door. Suzaku was faster though. He was up off the ottoman and across the room before Lulu could even blink. Her back was facing him and her hand was on the doorknob, but Suzaku was holding the door shut. “Lulu, what did you say?”

“I never should have…” Lulu shook her head again. Her shoulders were shaking and her voice was strained. “Now wasn’t the time to bring it up and…you, obviously, don’t feel the same as I do. You love Euphie.”

“Lulu, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Suzaku pressed.

If he was being honest, he was stunned. Suzaku was completely surprised by this turn of events and even watching it a second time, he still was. He had never expected her confession so soon after Euphie’s death. He had never expected to find that he had feelings for his best friend. Suzaku never would have been able to fathom that she would feel the same.

Lulu took a deep breath and turned around to face him. Her eyes were red and puffy just like his. Suzaku thought that if anyone saw them now they would be a sad pair to behold. “By the time I got up the determination to tell you it was too late. You were already Euphie’s Knight and I could tell you were in love her long before even you knew.”

“You should have said something, Lulu.”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference. It was too late for us then and it’s too late for us now, Suzaku.” Lulu looked away from him and let out a sigh of defeat. “Get cleaned up, changed, and go to bed. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight or with Nunnally.”

Suzaku recalled that he hadn’t known what he was going to do. Lulu looked like she couldn’t take anymore tonight, but he had known that he couldn’t let her leave either. Lulu had made a declaration and deep down he had always had feelings for her. He had buried them deep after he had found her in Shinjuku only to wake to think she might have ended up dead and then finding her again at Ashford.

He also knew that he hadn’t wanted to cause her any trouble since both her and Nunnally were still in hiding. Suzaku hadn’t wanted to jeopardize the life the siblings had made for themselves if he could help it and yet Lulu had asked Milly if he could be on the Student Council. Lulu had made it possible for him to find a safe place on campus regardless of how it would affect her.

Lulu saved him over and over.

It was in this moment that Suzaku had realized that he truly did love her. He had loved Euphie too and there wasn’t anything that could change it or make those feelings disappear, but Lulu had been his first love. She had been his everything until they had been separated and here she was now. She was standing in front of him with the weight of her confession between them and all he wanted was to wrap her up and hold her close to his heart.

Suzaku may have lost his princess that night, but he had gained another. He may have thought that the world had ended when he arrived earlier tonight, but the words Lulu had spoken had changed everything. Suzaku wouldn’t let her slip through his fingers like he had with Euphie. Suzaku made a silent vow to love and protect Lulu until he couldn’t anymore.

But why was it that this memory was invading his dreams? What was it about this specific moment in their history that was important? What was happening out in the waking world that could be affecting what was happening here in his subconscious?

Suzaku didn’t know, but he also knew that the memory was far from being finished. He knew that he wouldn’t be waking any time soon. Suzaku would be forced to relive the events of that night even if he wanted to wake up and make sure that Lulu was lying next to him.

Dream Suzaku leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Lulu’s forehead. He felt her freeze beneath him and he felt a slender hand pressing against his chest. It was gentle. It was as if she was trying to keep him at bay, but not actually trying to keep him away at the same time.

“What are you doing?” Lulu questioned. Suzaku could see that she was shaking harder now. He didn’t think it was because she was afraid of him, at least, he hoped not. She must know that he would never do anything to hurt her. “You just lost, Euphie. You should just go to bed and rest. You don’t need any more confusion tonight, Suzaku.”

“What’s confusing about wanting to answer your confession, Lulu?” Suzaku inquired. He raised a hand to cup her cheek and to wipe a falling tear from her beautiful eyes. “I’ve loved you since we were kids.”

Lulu met his gaze and raised a skeptical eyebrow. Even now, when she was prepared to retaliate, Suzaku couldn’t help but find her lovely. She was always so calculating and precise in everything she did. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought Lulu was Zero.

They were both highly intelligent and shared a hatred for Britannia. They could both inspire people and make miracles happen. Their miracles were completely different, however. Zero could make anything seem flawless on the battlefield and read a situation as if it was a simple move on a chessboard. Lulu could make anything happen when it came to school protects or things that had to do with Nunnally. Their lives were just too different for Suzaku to even think that they were one in the same, but there was always this itch at the back of his brain that they _were_ the same.

Suzaku should have followed that itch a lot earlier. Then so many people could have been saved. He knew he couldn’t change the past or the course of the dream, but he desired to do so, badly. This moment had solidified everything that was wrong about the two of them being together, and yet…he wouldn’t change it. He had gotten Lulu and Rhiannon out of a screwed-up relationship. They were more important than a past he couldn’t change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there is the first part of Chapter Two. I promise that I will not do this for future chapters unless absolutely warranted.   
> Thank you everyone for commenting, leaving kudos, and following this story as well as the previous installments. They are the best presents I could receive.  
> Till next time,  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Chapter Two is finally done. There is some M content in this chapter, but not a lot. I had intended more, but the story took a different turn then I expected.   
> I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for sticking by this story. Thank you to those of you readers who have left comments and kudos.  
> I've had some terrible writer's block with chapter three of this story so, here’s to hoping that things get back on track!  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex

Dream Suzaku was brought out of his musings when Lulu spoke.

“You are just projecting, Suzaku. Euphie was my sister and we do share a similar resemblance, I suppose. Your feelings for me are nothing more than those you hold for Euphie.”

“You’re wrong, Lulu. I loved you long before, Euphie. I just didn’t want to act on those feelings because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I was afraid it would put you and Nunnally in jeopardy. You are far too important for me to lose because of feelings I didn’t know were returned.”

Lulu had to understand that. She had to understand that if he would have known sooner he would have jumped at the chance to be with her. Everything he had done prior to this moment had been to protect her and Nunnally from being discovered. Any association with him and the siblings would have been investigated by Lloyd or someone else simply because he was the only Eleven piloting a Knightmare Frame. It had been too much of a risk.

“Don’t do this, Suzaku.” He watched as she wrapped her fingers around his wrist. She pulled his hand away from her face before dropping it. “Don’t pretend that you share my feelings when I have known that Euphie holds your heart. Even in death, she holds power over you.”

“Why is it that you don’t believe me, Lulu? Why can’t you believe that anyone besides Nunnally could ever love you?”

Lulu shook her head and looked away from him. She knew he was right. After everything that happened in her childhood Lulu was convinced that no one besides her beloved sister could ever truly love her. But Suzaku loved her the moment he laid eyes on her when the siblings arrived at his home back when they were children. Suzaku had even told his mother and father he wanted to marry Lulu when he was older. They had smiled at him and appeased his request with hollow promises which even Lulu knew were false. It hadn’t mattered though. He had still loved her.

“Forget it, Suzaku. We are both tired and beyond reason at this point. Fighting around in circles will do nothing to help either of us.”

“We wouldn’t be having this fight if you would just accept that my feelings for you are the same,” Suzaku pointed out.

“But they aren’t,” Lulu stated. “They can’t be. You just said you loved Euphie. I knew that and yet I confessed knowing that you couldn’t…can’t…love me back.”

Lulu looked exhausted and exasperated at the same time. He also realized, for the first time that night, that she had dark circles under her eyes. Her skin was paler, but no one else would be able to notice the change. Suzaku had known Lulu too long not to notice the difference in her well-being. Lulu could tell him she was fine till she was blue in the face, but he would always know.

“You haven’t been sleeping, Lulu.”

Lulu met his gaze again. Her eyes wide with confusion. He understood why, of course. They had been talking about their feelings and he switched the topic of conversation on a whim. He couldn’t _not_ be worried or concerned. She was his princess just as much as Euphie had been.

“What has had you up so late and kept you from sleeping? It isn’t like you to put your health at risk when you have Nunnally to take care of.”

“It is no concern of yours, Suzaku.”

“But, it does concern me. You may not see it, but I care about you, Lulu,” Suzaku protested.

Lulu sighed at his declaration. She rested her hand against his chest again and pushed him back. Suzaku took a step back to keep from falling. “Enough. I can’t listen to your ravings anymore tonight. I’m going downstairs to get some rest and you will be staying here. End of discussion, Suzaku.”

Lulu turned around and grasped the doorknob again. Suzaku’s heart was thudding in his chest. He _couldn’t_ let her leave. If she left they would never speak about what transpired here ever again. Lulu wouldn’t allow it and he couldn’t fathom letting her sleep alone when she was so obviously troubled. Suzaku had a split second to decide what to do and, since he was normally a man of action, he reacted by snaking an arm around Lulu’s waist to keep her from leaving.

Lulu let out a frustrated growl and tried to pry his arm away from her person, but they both knew that he was stronger than her. If he wanted to keep her with him indefinitely he could and there would be nothing Lulu could do about it. He didn’t want to force her to stay, but it was obvious that she had made up her mind. Suzaku had to find a way to change it.

“Let go, Suzaku, right this instant!” Lulu demanded. She scratched at his arm, but he didn’t budge. He only held tighter. Lulu began thrashing against him and even tried, in vain from her position, to kick him in his genital region. She failed, but that didn’t stop her from continually trying.

“Lulu, calm down.”

“No, Suzaku. I will not calm down. I can’t handle you anymore tonight. I can’t handle your emotions. I can’t handle your misplaced feelings. I can’t handle any of it right now.” Her fighting began to wane as he heard the tears in her voice. The sadness and disappointment was clear in her tone and Suzaku’s heart broke hearing it. “I’m too tired to fight with you.”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Lulu. I just want to hold you.” Suzaku’s hold lightened, but he wrapped his other arm around her as well. He rested his head on her shoulder and pulled her flush against him. Lulu went rigid in his arms and with his face so close to her neck he could feel her pulse fluttering against his cheek. “I don’t want you to be away from me when we need each other to heal.”

“I’m not broken, Suzaku. I don’t need to be _healed_.”

Lulu hissed out the last word and, at the time, Suzaku hadn’t known what her inflection meant. It had confused him, but he chalked it up to Euphie’s death.

The Suzaku of the present, however, did know. Lulu had told him back on Kamine Island that she _had_ been broken. It had been his decision to join with Euphie that had destroyed her. It had been his own selfishness that had caused her so much pain. If Suzaku had just noticed back then what his actions had caused he would never have done any of them. He never would’ve broken Lulu beyond repair and Euphie wouldn’t have died. Neither one of his princesses would ever have had to go through so much turmoil.

But, Suzaku was selfish and naive then and even more so now. Even if he could change everything that had happened and the outcome came out differently; Suzaku would lose much more. He would not be married to Lulu and he would not have a daughter. They would not be a family and no matter how much he had loved Euphie; he loved his family more.

Suzaku returned to the dream and watched events unfold as they had all that time ago.

Dream Suzaku didn’t respond. He just turned his head and placed a kiss at the juncture where Lulu's neck met her shoulder. Lulu shivered at the contact and Suzaku knew that he could get her to listen to him if he tried hard enough. He wanted her to relax and descend into whatever it was that they were falling into. He wanted them to heal together because he _needed_ her far more than she realized.

“Don’t, Suzaku.”

“Why not?” he whispered against her ear. Lulu didn’t answer. “We have already admitted our feelings for each other. Why not see what happens from there?”

Lulu began trying to free herself again. Suzaku held firm as she did and waited for her to tire herself out again. When it was apparent that Suzaku wasn’t about to let her go, Lulu stopped trying to escape.

“Why are you so against this, Lulu? Why are you so against _us_?”

A beat of silence followed his questions.

Lulu was obviously thinking of the best possible way to answer. He could almost see the wheels turning in her mind and he let her have all the time she needed. Suzaku may have wanted Lulu to see things his way, and he would, but he also wouldn’t force her into something she didn’t want. He knew that Lulu loved him. She had said as much, but if she put up any more resistance he would have to let her leave. He knew that and Lulu did too. He cared about her too much to lose her over something like this.

“Because, Suzaku, if we do this we will both end up broken beyond repair,” Lulu quietly answered.

“Or,” Suzaku began. He placed another kiss against her skin right above her pulse. Lulu’s breath caught. Suzaku took that moment to slowly and carefully move his hands to her hips to keep her from running.

“Or…” Lulu pressed.

Suzaku noticed that her voice was quiet. Her body was shaking under his careful ministrations. She was losing the battle against him because she knew that what was happening between them was something they _both_ wanted. She wanted him and he wanted her. It was as simple as that.

“Or, Lulu, we could find comfort in each other and see what happens after that,” Suzaku answered.

“No…we can’t. Suzaku, we can’t…”

“All we have is right now, Lulu. Everything outside of this moment, the past and the future, doesn’t matter. Right now, here in the present, there is just you and me. There is nothing keeping us from loving each other in _this moment_.”

_God_ , the real Suzaku thought to himself, _I use that argument a little too much when I’m trying to convince Lulu about anything. I’m going to have to come up with something different from now on._

Lulu was silent and didn’t respond. Dream Suzaku realized that he may have pushed her too far. He removed his hands from her hips and took a step back to give her the room she obviously needed. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t force her and he was going to make sure he didn’t.     

Suddenly, Lulu turned around and grasped his face in her hands. Suzaku raised an eyebrow in response. He had expected Lulu to leave instead of face him, but Lulu was always full of surprises. Suzaku wasn’t disappointed when Lulu pulled his face down so that she could press her lips against his own.

The kiss was slow and tentative, like she was testing him to see how far he was willing to take it. He pressed back gently to let her know that he was in this if she was and Lulu pulled away. That hadn’t been the reaction Suzaku was hoping for, but he wasn’t going to push her farther than she was willing to go.

Lulu didn’t go too far, but Suzaku already missed the feel of her lips on his and he wanted them back. They were soft and tasted like chamomile tea. He smiled at that because he never even got a chance to drink his own, but Lulu had found some time to enjoy hers.

Lulu opened her eyes and met his gaze. He hoped he was showing love and patience, but he knew that lust would be present there as well. He just prayed that wasn’t all Lulu saw. After a moment of silence, Lulu pulled him back down to meet her lips and Suzaku couldn’t have been happier. He raised his hand so that he could cup her cheek and the other slid around her waist so that he could pull her closer.

Lulu didn’t flinch or move away. Instead, she morphed to his body and wrapped her arms around his neck. Suzaku didn’t mind and kissed her back until she pulled away for oxygen. She was breathing hard and her eyes fluttered in ecstasy. Suzaku smiled when she met his eyes again. Her body was relaxed against his own and he couldn’t help but stroke her cheek.

“We can have this, Lulu,” he whispered against her lips.

Lulu didn’t say anything. Suzaku could see the swirl of emotions in her eyes and identify every one of them. Lust, happiness, determination, sadness, regret, and…guilt. Suzaku didn’t understand the last emotion and why Lulu would feel guilt for the way she felt, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on it.

Lulu captured his lips again with newfound fervor. She was pressing against him and biting at his lips. Suzaku opened his mouth so that she could delve inside and he groaned at the feeling of her exploration. He had always wondered what it would feel like to kiss Lulu like this. They had shared many kisses on the cheek or on the top of the hand over the course of their childhood and even some recently, but they had all been so innocent. At least, on Suzaku’s part.

But, that hadn’t changed the fact that he loved her. It had been due to his own stupidity that he hadn’t noticed Lulu’s own affection. If he had noticed it sooner than maybe Euphie would still be alive and he would have had Lulu long before this. Hell, maybe he would never have fallen in love with Euphie in the first place.

Suzaku pushed thoughts of Euphie and what could have been out of his mind. He had Lulu now and that was what truly mattered. He had a woman he loved in his arms and she was kissing him with everything she had. All his attention needed to be focused on the beautiful angel in front of him and not on the one he had lost.

Lulu disengaged from his mouth and panted. She looked gorgeous with her eyes wide and glazed over, and her pale skin the color of cherry blossoms. Suzaku smiled as he released her cheek and cradled her ass with both hands so that he could lift her off the floor. Instinctively, Lulu wrapped her long legs around his waist and clutched at the back of his head.

Suzaku turned around and walked back towards the bed. Their eyes locked as he gently placed her down on the fluffy comforter. He saw the passion in her darkened eyes and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead as he unwrapped her legs from his hips. He situated himself between her legs and placed his hands on either side of her head.

“If it becomes too much, Lulu, tell me to stop,” Suzaku indicated. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Lulu nodded. That was all the encouragement that Suzaku needed to lean down and press another kiss to her lips. She kissed back and moaned into his mouth as he delved in deeper and deeper. He couldn’t help but map out the entire expanse of her mouth and cause her to whine and whimper in return for his questing.

Lulu tried everything to make Suzaku move faster. It was obvious by her movements that she wanted him to move things along, but Suzaku wanted it to last. He wanted to savor every moment and remember every little thing that made Lulu writhe, moan, and gasp. He didn’t know what the morning would bring, but if it came out badly he wanted something to hold on to and remember.

Lulu started taking off his Knight uniform and it was only then that he realized he still had Euphie’s blood on him. It was still on his uniform and on his hands. A violent reminder of what happened only hours earlier. A horrible tribute to the woman he had feelings for prior to her death at the hands of a madman.

He had been touching and kissing Lulu while still covered in her _sister’s_ blood. If that wasn’t a mood killer, Suzaku didn’t know what was. He pulled away suddenly and sat up. Lulu looked up at him dazed and confused.

“Suzaku…what are you…” she questioned.

“I’m sorry…I need to go wash up first before we…I mean…Euphie’s blood is still…” Suzaku stuttered out.

Lulu looked away from his face and focused on his uniform and then his hands. Her eyes widened at the sight and she started to shake. Sadness, grief, and guilt found their way into Lulu’s eyes and Suzaku wanted nothing more than to pull her to his chest again, but with the blood that they now both remembered was there, Lulu wouldn’t let him.

“Oh…my…god,” she whispered. “We almost…oh god…”

“Hush, Lulu. I’ll clean up and then we can…”

“No, we can’t. This is inappropriate on so many levels, Suzaku. Everything about this is messed up.”

“Lulu, please, calm down.”

“Calm down! Calm down!” Lulu screeched. “How am I supposed to calm down when we were kissing while you had _Euphie’s_ blood all over you?” Lulu covered her face and shook her head. Suzaku tried to remove her hands, but when she winced he pulled away. “My sister is _dead_ and I’m having a make out session with the man she loved. I’m a horrible sister.”

“Lulu, don’t. Calm down and look at me,” Suzaku urged. Lulu didn’t move or detach her hands from her face. “If I had just let you clean me up earlier this wouldn’t have happened. _I’m_ the one who should feel remorse, Lulu. Not you, never you.”

Lulu didn’t reply or move. Suzaku didn’t know what to do now. How could he convince her that… _this_... _them_...was okay? How could he convince her that Euphie would have wanted them to be happy, together? Why was Lulu fighting against him so hard?

“I’m going to go clean up and I’ll be right back.”

Suzaku took off for the adjoining bathroom and wiped Euphie’s blood off his hands quickly. He knew if he took too long Lulu would run away. Once he was done, he hurriedly cleaned his face and took off his uniform. He couldn’t let Lulu see the blood again if he wanted to share this moment with her.

He hadn't grabbed the clothes Lulu had pulled out for him in his haste to get clean, so he had nothing to wear and he was too afraid to go back out into the bedroom with his uniform on. Suzaku watched as the _other_ him floundered around trying to find anything to cover up his straining lower region.  He remembered how he hadn’t noticed how turned on he had been when the whole thing began, but now as he watched the scene unfold again he couldn’t help but laugh. He had been so nervous and considering he faced the threat of death and danger every day one would think that he could handle intercourse with a woman just fine.

He returned to the memory.

Dream Suzaku had found a towel to cover his lower half even if his underwear was still on. He wasn’t going to take any more chances to scare Lulu off. He opened the door and found Lulu in the same spot he had left her in. Her hands were still pressed to her face and her body was shaking.

Suzaku moved towards her and sat next to her on the bed. Lulu jolted, but didn’t make a move to get away. Suzaku took it as the second good sign. The first had been that Lulu hadn’t left. He just hoped that there was a _third_ good sign that everything would work out.

“I’m all cleaned up, Lulu. The blood is gone and my uniform is in the laundry hamper,” Suzaku cooed.

Lulu peaked through her fingers at his words and squeaked when she realized that he was bare-chested. Suzaku couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped past his lips. Lulu had seen him half-naked before during gym or his personal practices and hadn’t ever made that sound. She had always been cool and composed. She had never shown a sign of interest and now that he knew all of it had been on purpose to throw him off he found the sound endearing.

Suzaku wrapped his arms around Lulu and brought her head to rest under his chin. He ran a hand through her hair and massaged her scalp with his fingertips. Lulu almost seemed to purr in contentment and nuzzled closer. Suzaku only smiled. He was afraid any direct sound from him would cause her to pull away again. He couldn’t let that happen.

He placed a quick kiss on the top of her head and smiled. Lulu reacted by pulling away and looking up into his eyes. Her eyes were wide with wonder. Suzaku tilted his head to one side and smiled hoping to the heavens above that Lulu was okay with all of this…truly okay. Not the “fake” type of alright that she put on for the Student Council or for any of the other students at Ashford. The true trusting kind of okay that would let Suzaku know that she was willing to go through with it.

He got the third sign in the next second. He felt it…the cool hand on his thigh…the slender fingers tracing patterns there through the fabric of the towel and his underwear. He felt the blush rise into his cheeks and he hoped that Lulu couldn’t tell because _that_ would be embarrassing.

“Are you really prepared to do this, Suzaku?” Lulu questioned. Her voice was quiet and Suzaku was grateful that her gaze was focused on his face. At least then it wasn’t looking down at his growing erection. Her voice should never have made him feel like _this._ It never had before.

“How is it that you suddenly are asking me if _I_ want this?” Suzaku responded back. “I was the one who convinced you, remember.”

“I remember, Suzaku. But, we’ve both had time to think this through a bit now. After this, everything changes.”

“How so, Lulu?”

Lulu pulled her hand away and Suzaku had to let out a quiet sigh of relief. It didn’t matter how much he wanted that beautiful hand wrapped around his shaft. Lulu came first. No pun intended. She may not have been first on his mind in recent months, but she was now and if Lulu wanted to go on and on about how this would “change” them, then Suzaku was willing to listen.

“There’s no going back after this, Suzaku. We can never take it back,” Lulu explained. “Our bond will be different… _we’ll_ be different. We’ll expect different things from each other that we never thought about before. _We’ll_ change as people.”

“Isn’t that what relationships are about, Lulu? Changing for the other person without losing the old you in the process. You know everything about me now. You’ve seen my faults and my mistakes, yet you’ve stood by me through it all,” Suzaku argued. “What more could I ask for?”

“Your apparent optimism is extremely frustrating, Suzaku.”

“And your apparent pessimism is annoying, but I love you anyway.”

“No, Suzaku,” Lulu responded, “I’m not a pessimist. I’m a realist. I see the reality in your optimism and I know that this, whatever this is between us, is going to end up with someone getting hurt.”

“You don’t know that, Lulu.”

“But I do,” she insisted. “More than I want to.”

Suzaku watched regret fill his love’s eyes and pondered what Lulu could have done that would make that horrid emotion cloud her beautiful eyes. The eyes that had held so much affection earlier and passion he wanted to bottle it and carry it with him.

He didn’t know it then, but Lulu had been the one to kill Euphie in cold blood. She had been the very person to take his love away from him. She had caused the whole situation to spiral out of control between them all on her own.

Suzaku knew that a part of him still blamed her for it and another part was grateful for it. He had everything he wanted. He had a wife who loved him and a daughter he adored. He was the first Eleven to gain a Knight of Round position at court. The Emperor trusted him to watch over Lulu and keep her from destroying all he had built.

He was happy…wasn’t he?

This whole dream was making him rethink his feelings and Suzaku didn’t like it one bit. It was forcing him to look at everything Lulu had done prior to this moment as a set up to their big climax. But, he wanted to believe that what Lulu felt for him was real. No, he _did_ believe otherwise she never would have succumbed to him in the hospital room. She never would have fallen into the trap the Emperor had set up for her.

Lulu loved him and he loved her. Even if there was still a tiny part of him that hated her for the damage she had caused. Even if that tiny part still hated her for the people she killed.

Suzaku returned to the dream to find that it was like the volume had been muted. Words were coming out of his mouth and then out of Lulu’s, but he couldn’t hear their voices. Suzaku wondered why this was only for there to be a flash of light.

 

Suzaku’s emerald eyes flew open and he looked up at the ceiling from his spot on the floor. He groaned as he sat up and wondered what had happened. He remembered feeling Lulu leave the bed to go and comfort their child and he remembered her coming back to bed, but what happened after…that…?

Suzaku’s eyes widened after a moment when he recalled the knock at the door. He had gotten out of bed to go answer it thinking that it was an envoy from the Emperor. He had opened the door and come face-to-face with a woman. A woman who pulled a wig from her head and a facial distorter from her face. A woman with blue eyes and vibrant red hair.

Kallen Stadtfeld…or Kouzuki...Zero’s Ace stood before him in a maid uniform…she had knocked him out while he was still shocked to see her. But, how had she even gotten inside?

“Lulu!” he screamed. “Lulu! Please answer me!”

When he received no answer Suzaku scrambled up from the floor and flew into the other room. Lulu wasn’t lying in bed and several of her drawers were open with clothes hanging from them.

“No…no, no, no…”

Suzaku ran into the nursery to find it also in a disarray and Rhiannon missing.

Lulu and Rhiannon were gone…they had been taken…or worse…Lulu had gone willingly. Maybe he hadn’t been wrong when he noticed the little differences in Lulu’s behavior. Maybe she had been more affected by C.C.’s appearance than he realized. Maybe…she had her memories back and had been screwing with him the whole time.

That would explain why they hadn’t been intimate in a while or why Lulu seemed so forced in reciprocating intimate contact. It would also explain her aversion to Rhiannon in the beginning, but the doctor had said that was possible with postpartum depression.

How had he not seen it? How had he not noticed all these changes before? There had always been an annoying itch in the back of his mind…damn it!

Suzaku felt like he was reliving everything from last year all over again. He had been so naive to believe that everything was going to be perfect from now on only to have it wrenched from him. He had once again fallen for Lulu’s manipulation and had lost both his wife and daughter in the same night.

It was in this moment that Suzaku decided that he wasn’t going to play nice anymore. He would get both his wife and daughter back. He would dispose of anyone who stood in his way. Even if it meant abandoning his ideals and his morals. He had promised to protect his family from any danger no matter the cost even if it meant protecting Lulu from herself and Rhiannon from her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope this really long chapter lives up to the long wait of Chapter Three while I work through my writer's block even if there wasn’t as much M as I originally intended.  
> Again, thank you all for standing by this story!  
> Until next time!
> 
> Much love,  
> BlainexKurtxLovex


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know…I know…this story hasn’t been updated in a VERY long time. I was struggling hardcore with it and then when I figured out what I wanted to do it was the gumption to do it that I lacked. However, this chapter finally came into fruition. I know it’s a bit short, but if I don’t give you something soon I’m sure there will be a revolt and I don’t want that.  
> So, without further ado, here is Chapter Three!  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex

As the intruder came around the corner Lulu felt a small bubble of laughter begin to rise in her throat. She couldn’t believe who was standing before her with an angry scowl and a twitching eyebrow. All she could do was straighten her stance and smile at the trespasser in the most relieved way possible.

The only thing that wasn’t as comforting was the small hand-gun the girl was holding.

“He deserves way more than to be knocked out,” Kallen hissed.

“It’s good to see you, Kallen,” Lulu stated.

“We need to go. Grab any stuff you actually need and let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Are you giving me orders?” Lulu scoffed.

Kallen shook her head, “A very strong suggestion, Zero.”

“And the gun?”

“A ruse in case the camera’s come back on before we get out of the room and back to the Gurren.”

Lulu smiled again before grabbing a small suitcase from the closet to her right. She put in a few changes of clothes and then grabbed the diaper bag next to the door. Lulu filled it to the brim with everything Rhiannon would need. Diapers, bottles, clothes, baby food, a breast pump, her favorite blanket, and her favorite toys.

“You aren’t seriously thinking about bringing the kid, Zero,” Kallen spat. “We’ll already have a target on our backs and bringing the baby will…”

“I’m not leaving her with Suzaku,” Lulu interrupted. “She may be _our_ child, but she is _my_ daughter. She is coming with us whether it’s dangerous or not.”

“You’re not thinking this through…. You can’t be….”

“It will look suspicious if I don’t take her and suspicious if I do. Either way there is no other viable option.”

That shut Kallen up long enough for Lulu to go into the nursery and wrap Rhiannon up in a few extra blankets and to grab her coat along with some shoes. Lulu knew the child would outgrow them eventually, but they would have to do for now.

As Lulu exited the nursery, Rhiannon opened her eyes and her face scrunched up as if she was going to cry. Lulu cooed at her to get her attention and whispered for her to stay quiet. The child immediately closed her eyes and returned to sleep.

Lulu didn’t know why Rhiannon seemed to listen to her commands. Lulu knew that she wasn’t using Geass since once it was used on a person it could never be used again, but Rhiannon always did exactly what Lulu asked or ordered her too. Lulu knew that Suzaku had also begun to notice, but shrugged it off as a simple mother-daughter connection. She would have to ask C.C. about it when Lulu saw her next.

Once Lulu was sure she had everything she turned to Kallen and nodded. Kallen had already replaced her wig and her face distorter. She took the diaper bag from Lulu and threw it over her shoulder.

They exited the room, by stepping over Suzaku’s unconscious form. Lulu gave him a quick pitying look and wondered what state he would be in when he realized that they were missing. Would he remember anything? Would he wonder if she had regained her memories? Or would he assume that she had been kidnapped to force his and the Emperor’s hand?

Lulu didn’t know what her next move was just yet. She needed to talk to C.C. before moving forward. Right now, she needed to focus on getting herself and Rhiannon out of the palace without getting caught.

Kallen stepped out of the room with her gun pointed at Lulu. In return, Lulu tried to look grave just in case they ran into anyone along the way to the rendezvous point. She was sure that anyone that they ran into would be shot by Kallen long before they would be able to attack or call for back-up, but Lulu wouldn’t take any chances. She was too close to freedom to mess it up, especially after all the apparent trouble C.C. and Kallen had gone through to retrieve her.

“Are you going to tell me how you managed to get inside the palace and to my rooms so easily?” Lulu inquired. “Or do I have to guess?”

“C.C. will explain when she sees you. Right now, is not the time,” Kallen replied.

Her now green eyes were focused on every turn and every shadow. She was looking for any possible dangers and hindrances to their escape. Lulu decided to stay quiet and let Kallen do what she needed to. If anyone could get her out of here it was Kallen.

They walked in silence for a little while longer. The gun was still pointed at her, but Lulu could see that they were almost to the Knightmare docking bay. Lulu really wanted to ask how they had gotten Kallen’s Gurren anywhere near the palace, but stayed quiet despite her curiosity. She knew that Suzaku would wake up eventually and the first thing he would do was raise the alarm and come looking for her.

“Stop right there,” a calm voice, a voice she recognized, said from behind them.

“Shit…” Kallen whispered.

“Drop your gun and step away from the princess,” Rolo ordered.

Kallen grabbed Lulu by the shoulder and placed the gun to her head. Lulu tried to look terrified, but one look at Rolo told her that he didn’t believe the situation. His eyes were calculating and deadly, but there was a hint of fear in his rose-colored eyes.

“You aren’t going to shoot her,” he stated. “You need her alive.”

“Kallen, put the gun away,” Lulu ordered.

Silence followed her order, but Lulu didn’t let it phase her. She stepped calmly out of Kallen’s hold and walked to stand before Rolo. He was looking at her as if she had grown an extra head. His gun was pointed at her chest, but Lulu didn’t even give it a second thought.

“Come with us, Rolo.”

His eyes widened in confusion. “What?”

“Come with me. You’re the only one that sees my suffering, Rolo. I’m suffocating here with Suzaku and my father. I can’t breathe under their watchful gazes, but you already knew that,” Lulu stated.

Rolo’s eyes softened as he listened to her words. Lulu knew that Rolo loved her. The younger boy may not be her biological brother, but he loved her as a sister. She had concluded this when she had tried to take the cellphone charm, the one meant for Nunnally, from him. The devastation in Rolo’s eyes solidified her theory that he cared about her enough to overlook her lapses in behavior lately.

Her sister’s replacement could come in handy if she could get him to cooperate. All Lulu needed was for him to come with them or cover her escape. She just had to manipulate his emotions and he would fall before her feet like a sacrificial pawn.

“You’re leaving of your own volition,” he concluded.

Lulu nodded. “This woman came to my rooms and demanded I pack. I saw it as my way out of this hell. I can’t stay here anymore to be used as a pawn by my own father and my husband. You don’t have to either, Rolo.”

“I can’t. They’ll kill us all.”

“That can’t kill you if they can’t catch you. I’ve seen you fly a Knightmare, Rolo. You’re just as skilled, if not more skilled, than Suzaku. With you by my side we can get out of here together.”

Rolo was weighing his options. Her father had given him a place to live and work. He had used him for years if Lulu concluded correctly otherwise he never would have agreed to play undercover spy for him. Lulu had seen his bloodlust on the battlefield. His bloodthirstiness was almost as strong as his tenderness towards Rhiannon.

“Rhiannon needs her uncle. _I need you, Rolo_. I can’t do this alone.” Lulu moved forward to wrap her free arm tightly around the boy. The barrel of the gun was digging into her chest away from the child, but within moments it disappeared.

Rolo dropped the gun and wrapped his arms around her just as tightly. His face was buried in her shoulder and Lulu was pretty sure he was holding back tears. Lulu pulled away and smiled at him lovingly.

“Only you can save us now, Rolo. Only you can protect Rhiannon and I from my father and Suzaku.”

Rolo pulled away and bent down to pick his gun back up. He let it hang by his side and gave her a small smile. “I know you’ve been different…distant. I didn’t mind too much since I knew with everything that happened after Rhiannon was born that Suzaku was tightening his hold on you. It pissed me off, but I couldn’t do anything accept play my part. I’ll help you in any way I can.”

“That is all I ask, Rolo, and more than I deserve,” Lulu replied.

Rolo nodded and the three of them again moved towards the exit. It was only a few minutes before they all heard the scream of an alarm.

Her absence had been noticed. Suzaku had awoken. There wasn’t much time left.

“We need to move. Now!” Kallen hissed.

Lulu agreed and the three started to run down the hall. However, it didn’t last long. Lulu could hear the guards gaining on them which meant that some of the cameras must have come back on. Her father, Suzaku, and all the guards would catch them and it would all be for naught.

“Kallen, you need to go,” Lulu ordered. “They’ll take you prisoner and I can’t allow that. You have to get out otherwise there will be no one to try again.”

“I’m not leaving you. I can’t,” Kallen argued. “I’d rather be taken prisoner than leave you here.”

“That’s an order, Kallen. Get out of here,” Lulu commanded. Kallen hissed out a sigh before dropping the diaper bag, nodding, and taking off. Lulu turned to Rolo and gave him a small smile. “You have to make it look like you just saved me from the kidnapper. We have to convince them, Rolo.”

“But, we were so close. You were almost free,” Rolo replied.

“I know, but we’ll try again.”

“Lulu!” Suzaku’s voice rang out down the hall. “Lulu!”

“She’s here, Knight Kururugi!” Rolo yelled back. “I got her!”

Lulu moved to lean against the wall with Rhiannon pressed tightly against her breast and forced tears to well in her eyes. Rolo came over to rest a hand on her shoulder and whisper soothing words to her.

“Rolo!” Suzaku shouted. “Rolo, please tell me she’s okay.”

Suzaku was at her other side with a look of relief on his face. Lulu looked up at the sound of his voice and threw herself into his arms while still being mindful of the sleeping baby in her arms. She made herself shake as he pulled her in tight and Lulu could do nothing more than hold on.

“She’s shaken, but otherwise fine,” Rolo answered.

“Did you see who the kidnapper was?”

“Yes, but I don’t think that was her real face. She had to have been using a facial distorter. It’s the only think I can think of.”

Lulu felt Suzaku nod as he replied, “Yeah, I think you’re right about that.”

Lulu closed her eyes and prayed that Kallen had gotten away. No one else needed to be trapped here. No one else should have to suffer through Suzaku’s company. Lulu could handle it, but Kallen…Kallen was too wild…too angry at the everyone who had wronged her. The fact that she was willing to still follow Lulu even after her betrayal on Kamine Island was a mystery to her or maybe Lulu was just a means to an end.

“Sir!” a guard yelled from behind Suzaku. Lulu opened her eyes and a small gasp escaped her throat. “We caught the kidnapper.”

Kallen had several guns pointed at her person with her hands tied behind her back. She hadn’t made it and now there was no one to get her out. There was no one left, besides C.C. But, how long until the witch came to rescue both her and her knight? How long would they both have to suffer at the hands of their enemy?

Suzaku pulled away and leaned Lulu back against the wall. He stood and approached Kallen. Lulu could sense the anger, but knew her husband hid it well behind a calm mask. He raised his hand and pulled the distorter for her face.

“Zero’s Ace,” he sneered. “You attempted to kidnap a princess of the crown and my wife, do you deny it?

“No,” she spat. “I do not deny it. I came to save her from you.”

“My _wife_ is perfectly safe and of no use to you. Why you and the Black Knights have decided to focus your attentions on her is beyond me, but it ends now. You will be taken to the holding cells where you can do no more damage to both my wife and child’s safety.”

Kallen smiled, “You know you wife is _invaluable_ to my cause. If I don’t come for her someone else will and when they do not only will Zero be released, but so will I.”

“My wife is not Zero,” Suzaku replied calmly. “She never has been and never will be. It is best that you remember that. I give you this knowledge out of courtesy for our past friendship.”

“Whatever you say, Suzaku,” Kallen spat. “Whatever you say.”

“Take her to a holding cell. I will deal with her later. Right now, I need to focus on my wife.” Suzaku turned around a crouched low in front of her. He held out a hand to her and gave a small reassuring smile. “Can you stand?”

Lulu nodded and took his hand so he could pull her up from the floor. Lulu kept her eyes downcast as Suzaku wrapped a tight arm around her waist and placed the other on her shoulder. His grip was firm and Lulu tried to keep from flinching. Suzaku was more than angry he was furious and it would take all her skill to keep him from figuring out she had left of her own volition.

“Rolo, I want you to oversee Kallen’s transfer. Report when you are finished.”

Rolo nodded, “Yes, sir.”

Rolo left with the other guards and Suzaku led Lulu back to their rooms. She kept silent and hoped that everything would go smoothly. There was no guarantee that he would believe a word she said. After the iron grip he had had on her since C.C.’s appearance he would be doubting her and her words more than ever before. She’s was gambling with her secret at this point. She sent up a prayer to any higher being that was listening to aid her, but she knew none would come. They hadn’t come when she had needed them on Kamine Island and they weren’t coming now.

Once they reached their room, Suzaku suggested that she place Rhiannon down and shut the door. If she woke they would hear it over the baby monitor. Lulu only nodded and did as she was bid. There was no point in fighting with him when his anger was only hanging on by a thread. It would only anger him more and Lulu was already wary of the fight that was brewing.

Lulu kissed the top of her daughter’s head before laying her down in her crib. The child didn’t do much except move an arm at her new sleeping arrangement. Lulu smiled at her once more before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. She faced her husband with wide eyes and waited for the oncoming storm.

“What happened, Lulu, after Kallen knocked me out?” Suzaku demanded. “And I want the truth. No lies. No contrived stories. The _exact_ truth.”

Lulu took a deep breath. “I heard you hit the floor and I immediately jumped out of bed to put myself between Rhiannon and the attacker. I tried to think of the best way to get the upper hand, but even I knew that without you conscious that my effort would be for not. When that woman came around the corner with the gun I knew there wasn’t much I could do except comply.” Lulu waited to see if he would interrupt her and when he didn’t Lulu continued. “She ordered me to grab the baby and anything the two of us would need. She said to be fast since she didn’t know when you would regain consciousness.”

Suzaku’s eyes were hard and calculating as he looked for any hole in her story. The normally bright emerald green was a deep forest green now. There was no mercy in his eyes. No warmth or compassion. Lulu knew she would have a hard time keeping him from detecting any lies.

“She led me out of the room with the baby and held the gun to my back. I tried to ask her what she wanted, but she only answered that it wasn’t important at the moment. I remember her from the attack the other day so I could only assume she was from the Black Knights.” Lulu took a few steps forward hoping that, with a smaller distance between them, that he would lose the hard look in his eyes. “Then we ran into Rolo and she held me hostage. I told him I didn’t want him in danger. That he had to let me go so I could keep him safe. He waited a little before running after us.”

Lulu took a deep breath. She hoped he was buying it. The story wasn’t too far-fetched and as close to the truth as she could possible get without telling the real truth. He couldn’t know that she left of her own volition. He would turn her in to her father without a backwards glance. He had done it before and Lulu was positive he would do it again. There was also the option that he would believe her even though he wasn’t sure and then keep her locked in their apartments until the end of time.

“Go on, Lulu, you’re not finished,” Suzaku prompted.

“Then we heard the alarm,” Lulu continued, “I knew you had to be coming, but with the gun still pointed at me there was no other option. I followed the woman’s orders to run…to keep moving. Then Rolo caught up with us and the woman decided it wasn’t worth the effort and fled until the guards captured her.”

Suzaku nodded his head, but Lulu could still see the skepticism in his eyes. He didn’t believe a word of it. Lulu tried not to let her disappointment show. It wouldn’t help her cause any and Suzaku would notice it right away. Lulu decided to bypass him and head for the bathroom. She needed a shower after the mad dash she had made. The physical exertion was beyond her even on a good day. The fact that she had both a baby and a bag didn’t help matters much.

“So that’s the truth?” Suzaku inquired. “That’s your story?”

Lulu turned around the stare at him. She forced her face into a look of confusion. “What other story would there be?”

Suzaku still hadn’t turned to face her, but she could see the tension in his shoulders. He was about to snap. She could both see and feel the tension about to break. Lulu could only brace herself as much as possible before he spun around.

“The one where you went willingly,” Suzaku growled.

Just as she thought, Suzaku turned on his heel and pressed her tightly up against the wall. Lulu barely kept her head from hitting the hard surface, but Suzaku didn’t seem to care much. He was beyond reason now.

“What are you on about?” Lulu demanded in a hushed tone. “I told you the truth.”

“The hell you did, Lulu,” Suzaku hissed, “You’ve been lying to me since you were attacked in the hospital room. I didn’t want to believe it…I couldn’t prove it before, but I can now.”

Lulu rolled her eyes, “How? I was kidnapped, Suzaku. I was _forced_ to comply. What part of that isn’t getting through to you?”

“Kallen,” Suzaku answered. “She wouldn’t have returned to kidnap you, at the risk of herself, if you hadn’t regained your memories. Her and C.C. are too careful for that. There were too many risks.”

“Memories? What are you talking about? The only memories I have are from Ashford, our engagement, the wedding, and everything leading up till now. I don’t have any other memories, Suzaku.”

“I don’t believe that. You remember and you’re hiding it from me. I know you are. You’ve been different…distant…unaffectionate…. You won’t let me even touch you without pulling away at any contact. There is something more going on. You’re hiding it, but not well enough, Lulu.”

“Suzaku, you’re crazy,” Lulu accused. There was a dangerous gleam in Suzaku’s eyes and Lulu was fearful of what he might do next. “You have lost all reason. I think that woman knocked you in the head too hard and it rattled something loose. Now release me this instant.”

When Suzaku didn’t move to release her. Lulu started to fight. It made her queasy to do so as it drudged up memories of when this whole farce began, but she tried to not let it show. He would sense the change. He would catch onto her panic and it would be all over. He would win and Lulu couldn’t let that happen.

“Suzaku, that’s an order.”

“I’m sorry, _princess_ ,” Suzaku hissed, “I can’t comply with your order.”

Lulu stopped struggling to glare at him. “And why the hell not?”

“Because,” he began. He caged her between his arms and pressed his body close to hers. “You need to be punished for lying to your husband.”

A shiver ran down her spine at his words. The look in his eyes caused her stomach to clench in apprehension. She knew her eyes were wide in fear, but she couldn’t force it down. He looked feral…wild…dangerous and although before this entire mess Lulu would have found it sexy, now it only frightened her. Whatever “punishment” he had planned couldn’t be good. He would take too much pleasure in breaking her resistance down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s a wrap for this chapter! Hopefully, the next chapter enters my mind faster than this one did. No promises…just hope.  
> I want to thank all of you again for your love and support for this story. It means the world to me and even if you think it doesn’t just remember it is because of all of you that I haven’t discontinued this story already and left you all with a incomplete series.  
> So, your comments, kudos, and follows DO matter.  
> Have a great weekend!  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience and dedication to this story. I was supremely stuck on this chapter as the “punishment” for Lulu kept changing in my mind and I finally decided to pick one and stick to it.
> 
> I apologize for not getting this chapter out before the New Year as well as keeping you all waiting until March of all things, but nothing was happening creatively for a while and I had to get myself back into the headspace. Just know that I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY no matter how long it takes for me to get through it.
> 
> Notes and Admissions: I did as much research into the punishment as possible and it isn’t supposed to be “right” in any context as it isn’t supposed to have a BDSM feel, but more of a abusive one. So, if you have any triggers to whipping outside of a BDSM setting in general please skip that part. It really isn’t long as I tried to keep it as short for the reader and our dear Lulu as possible after all that occurs between her and Suzaku prior to it.
> 
> With that: Enjoy the Chapter!  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex

“Punished, for telling you the truth? Suzaku, are you really that worried about losing me that you are making things up that aren’t really there to keep me?” Lulu inquired. It was a low blow, she knew, but she had to say something. She had to throw him off.

Suzaku’s eyes widened a fraction before he regained his cold composure. “I’m not making it up. You know that better than anyone. You’re the one who’s been lying and scheming since the attack at the hospital.”

“Did you not just tell Kallen that I am _not_ important to her cause?” Lulu pressed. “If I’ve regained these memories you are convinced I have does that not mean that her words have merit? Is there something _you_ aren’t telling _me?”_

Suzaku pulled away from her as if he had been burned. Lulu inwardly smirked to herself. She had caught him off guard. He hadn’t thought anything other than ‘Lulu regained her memories’ and ‘she tried to escape.’ He never thought that she might still be under her father’s Geass. He now had to find a way to convince her that everything he said was nonsense.

“No…no…there isn’t…you know there isn’t….” Suzaku stumbled.

“But, you just said…Suzaku…am I, Zero?” she stuttered out. She leaned heavily against the wall to keep herself standing. She had to make it look like she was shocked by the news. “I _am_. It’s the only explanation for the attack, the kidnapping, and your _conviction_ that I have memories I don’t remember.”

“Lulu, please…”

“No, Suzaku!” she snapped. Lulu wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity to scream and take out all her anger on him. It had been a long time coming and if this was the only time she could be mad at him she was going to milk it for all it was worth. “You don’t give me enough credit! You seem to think I am naïve enough to ignore all the evidence that has been stacked against me!”

“Keep your voice down,” Suzaku hissed. “Rhiannon is asleep.”

“Then you can take care of her! You can stay up with her all night and rock her to sleep! You can change her diaper and feed her!”

“Why are you reacting like this towards our daughter, Lulu?”

“Oh, I don’t know Suzaku, because you’re an asshole,” she deadpanned. Lulu crossed her arms over her chest. “Because you haven’t helped with Rhiannon since she came home. Because you’ve been keeping something vital from me since we watched Zero’s execution. Because you think I don’t have a right to be _angry_ about this new revelation you’ve apparently been hiding from me.”

“Lulu, I did it to protect you…to protect _us_ …to protect our child….”

“Does my father know? Of course, he knows. He would never had let me in his stronghold if he thought I was a threat. If he didn’t think you could keep me in line and _unaware_.”

Suzaku stepped forward and reached for her. Lulu took a step away from him and out of his reach. “Stop reading into things that aren’t there.”

Lulu balked. Now he wanted to deny everything he’d said to save his ass. Lulu wasn’t having it. He had opened Pandora’s Box and he would receive its full wrath.

“Reading…reading into…Suzaku you just _insinuated_ …I can’t just ignore that.”

“If you want to stay alive. If you want to stay with Rhiannon…with…with _me_ …you have too, Lulu,” Suzaku pleaded. “They can’t know.”

Lulu recognized this situation as a favorable one. If she could get Suzaku to disclose important information, then she could get out. She could get Nunnally back. Then it struck her, _where was Nunnally?_ God, the thought of using this moment to find her sister was eating at her from the inside out, but there was no way she would know about Nunnally. Lulu had walked herself into a trap of her own making. She may have found out that Suzaku had been officially keeping things from amnesic Lulu, but amnesic Lulu wouldn’t know anything about a sister when she was supposed to only have a brother.

“What else aren’t you telling me, Suzaku?” she demanded.

“I can’t, Lulu. I can’t tell you anything else.”

_I swear to God, Suzaku, if you don’t….”_

“What are you going to do, Lulu?” Suzaku interrupted. “How are you going to get out? I’m not going to help you. _No one is going to help you_. You are here because of your actions. You are here because you are a _threat_.”

Lulu moved forward till they were standing only an inch a part. She was in his face and he didn’t flinch. He didn’t move. Suzaku only breathed slowly to keep his cold and impassive expression.

“While I am apparently a threat, Suzaku. I am also an asset,” Lulu reminded him. “My father chose to kill someone else in my place. He _chose_ to keep me because he knew I was intelligent and dedicated to any cause I directed my energy into should it benefit the greater good. I am….”

 _"You are only here because of me,”_ Suzaku sneered. “You are alive and here because I begged for your life. I pleaded your case and convinced the Emperor to spare your life because _I love you_.”

“Your love is _twisted_ , Suzaku. This existence isn’t love. It’s a nothing more than a cage.”

“But it is better than death, Lulu. You have a daughter. You have a husband. You have a _family._ Isn’t that enough for you?”

“It would be in any other circumstance, Suzaku. Before the Rebellion began, all I wanted was for you to fall in love with me. All I wanted was to find you and be with you. Then I did, and I thought everything would be okay. I had found you only to lose you. Then you came to Ashford and it was early enough I could have put a stop to it all, but then you fell in love with Euphie and decided to become her Knight. You abandoned me for her and her plans.”

“So, you do remember,” Suzaku pointed out. “You remember that at least.”

“It’s coming back in pieces,” Lulu covered quickly. She needed to watch her words carefully moving forward or Suzaku would know she was lying. “It’s foggy, but those aren’t emotions I would forget willingly.”

“I came back for you, Lulu. I came back _to_ you after Euphie died. We made things work. I fell in _love_ with _you_. I couldn’t bear to lose you too. I had already lost one princess to circumstances I couldn’t control; I couldn’t lose you as well.”

There was a knock at the door. Lulu and Suzaku both stopped and turned their gaze towards the hall where the main entrance was. Suzaku made his way forward without a backward glance to her, but Lulu didn’t mind. She had to find a way to get Suzaku to slip up and tell her where Nunnally was. She didn’t know how much time she had before Suzaku went to her father.

“Sir, I oversaw the transfer of the prisoner as requested. She has been put in a high-security solitary cell until further action is taken,” Rolo announced.

“Thank you, Rolo,” Suzaku praised, “Would you be so kind as to look after Rhiannon for the rest of the evening? Lulu and I have a lot to discuss and I don’t want to wake her.”

Rolo was silent for a moment before Lulu heard his voice, “Of course, sir. I would be honored to look after my niece.”

“Thank you, Rolo. I’ll bring her out to you and all the things she’ll need and that will be all.”

Suzaku appeared again, but ignored her completely. He went into the nursery and grabbed Rhiannon and the diaper bag she had packed earlier in the evening. He grabbed a few premade bottles from the fridge and headed back to the hallway. Suzaku gave Rolo a few instructions before she heard Rolo agree and the door was shut.

Lulu hadn’t moved from her place in the middle of the room. She knew she couldn’t show weakness here. This moment was crucial to her survival. Lulu was happy that at least Rhiannon was out of hearing range. As much as the threat of Suzaku having to take care of their baby was still valid Lulu didn’t want to wake her. There had already been so much drama while she had been asleep. Lulu didn’t need her daughter in the middle of their fight. Rhiannon didn’t deserve it.

“Look, Lulu,” Suzaku began, “the three of us can’t be a family if your memories return. If you have any shred of love left for me…any love for _our_ daughter than you will let this anger and bitterness towards Britannia end. You will keep pretending to stay alive.”

“You honestly think that I have _any_ love for you at all,” Lulu stated. “How presumptuous of you, Suzaku. After everything you have done. After all the lies and betrayals, you think I still _love_ you. You are mistaken. _I loathe you_. I despise everything you now stand for.”

“I’m sorry that you feel that way, Lulu, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you,” Suzaku replied. “It doesn’t change the fact that you gave me a daughter and a family. You gave me something I always wanted _with you._ ”

“You don’t erase the memories of the one you love. You don’t kidnap them from their life and create a new one, Suzaku. That isn’t love.”

Suzaku surged forward then and took hold of her shoulders. The crazed look was in his eyes again as well as desperation. He was determined for her to understand why he had done it. Everything he now had hindered on this moment and his ability to convince her it was all for the better. Otherwise, he would lose her completely.

“Don’t you understand? I couldn’t let you die with the rest of them! I couldn’t lose you, Lulu,” Suzaku pressed. “I could have let the Emperor have you and erase every memory. I could have lived my life in comfort as a Knight of Round…alone, but I couldn’t. Every good thing I had was with you. Every moment I had with you after Euphie was precious and I _couldn’t_ let Zero take you from me too.”

“But, I am….”

“No! No, you are not! You are my wife and the mother of our child, Lulu. You are so much more than a rebel leader or a princess. You are mine!”

“Suzaku, you need to stop this madness. Your love for me has turned into obsession,” Lulu concluded. “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t have me and still be you. I am Zero, as you yourself have pointed out, and you are my jailer. Nothing more. I’m sure our marriage isn’t even legal.”

“I made sure it was,” Suzaku revealed. “I had Lloyd go over everything and any detail that would have had you taken from me in our marriage contract was removed. The Emperor knew my terms and was willing to take them all.”

“That’s not possible,” Lulu stated, “My father isn’t stupid enough to let you run the show. He knows how dangerous I am and how I can rally people to my rebellion. He never would have allowed you to….”

“He did, Lulu. He gave you over to me completely with the stipulation that should your memories return you were to be put to death immediately. Any suspicion or error found in part of your behavior found by me and me alone would cause your downfall.”

“And you, being a terrible liar, agreed to those terms? Are you that naïve to think that my father won’t see through you?” she inquired. “You couldn’t even lie to me!”

“If there is anything I learned from you it is to keep as close to the truth as possible for a lie to be effective and believed,” Suzaku pointed out.

“This is not just anyone, Suzaku! This is my _father_! The _Emperor_ of Britannia who is as cunning as he his ruthless! You are a fool to think he won’t see through you!”

“Then _help_ me, Lulu,” he begged. “Don’t make everything I’ve done meaningless. Don’t give up the life we have for something that is nothing but a memory. The rebellion is _over_.”

Lulu just looked at him. She could see how tired he was…how worn out he had become. She hadn’t noticed it before because she had been so focused on escape, but she took the time now and wondered how she could have missed it. He had been carrying around this fear of losing her long before now. He had been terrified that her memories would return and she would leave him only to be killed. None of the revelations should have pulled at her heartstrings, but they did. However, it wasn’t enough. She needed to get out. She needed to find Nunnally and take Rhiannon away from this toxic home. Nunnally and Rhiannon were her only true family and Suzaku wasn’t going to take this away from her.

“The rebellion will never be over as long as Zero still lives, Suzaku,” Lulu snapped.

" _You aren’t Zero anymore!”_ Suzaku bellowed. _“You are my wife and the mother of my child.”_

“And yet all you see when you look at me is Zero, Suzaku. For all your proclamations of love even _you_ can’t get over the fact that I was the instigator of the rebellion and the one who took Euphie from you.”

Suzaku looked shocked, “You don’t think that I could forgive you? That I _have_ forgiven you? That I can’t look past all that you’ve done to focus on the future?”

“No, Suzaku, I don’t. I took the one person from you that….”

“Enough! You are so stupid, Lulu!”

Lulu took a deep breath to keep herself from screaming back. It wouldn’t help the situation any and it would only serve to rile Suzaku up more. “And how am I stupid, Suzaku? Please, enlighten me.”

He pulled his hands away and took a step back. Lulu just watched as he tried to collect himself as well. They both knew that if they continued to yell at each other they would both end up hurt far more than either of them wanted. As much as Lulu wanted Suzaku to pay for all the things he had put her through there was still a small bit of love for him deep down in her heart no matter how hard Lulu tried to deny it.

“The minute you gave birth to Rhiannon I forgave you, Lulu,” Suzaku stated. He crossed the room and picked up one of Rhiannon’s toys. “She’s perfect. She’s everything I wanted and you even gave her Euphie’s namesake.”

“Suzaku, those decisions were all made by someone without her memories,” Lulu pointed out. “There is no guarantee that the ‘me’ from before or even the ‘me’ emerging now would have made the same decision.”

“See, but I know you would have, Lulu. You loved Euphie too. She was your sister and outside of Nunnally you didn’t have a care for the other royals. You did it to honor the _true_ Princess Euphemia over the persona you gave her on _accident_.”

Lulu’s eyes widened at the mention of Nunnally and when Suzaku looked up from the toy to meet her gaze it dawned on him what he had said. He put the toy down and came to stand before her. He tried to touch her, but Lulu pulled out of his reach.

Lulu hadn’t expected Suzaku to slip up so soon, but she should have. When he got emotional he either shut down or revealed too much. She had been expecting the first and instead had received a gift. Suzaku had worked himself up so much that he had mentioned her sister.

“Nunnally….” she whispered. “Rolo...isn’t my brother.”

“Lulu, I need you to listen….”

“No!” she screamed. She forced tears into her eyes for the second time that night and it wasn’t hard to do. “You’ve kept Nunnally from me!”

“I had to, Lulu,” Suzaku replied. “She was the reason for Zero in the first place and without her there was no longer a need for you to be Zero.”

“What did you tell her?” Lulu demanded.

“Lulu, you don’t need to get worked up. Nunnally is safe and sound. You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

“What did you say to her?”

Lulu was losing her composure. She could feel her body shaking with anger and even though Lulu knew that she had to calm down it was impossible. For a full year, her beloved sister had either thought her missing, relocated, or worse. Lulu couldn’t stand the thought of Nunnally being in pain because of her or Suzaku.

Suzaku let out a sigh, “We told her that it would be better if you two were separated for your protection and that you might not remember her when you awoke. She fought us at first when she saw you asleep, but after some encouragement and promises to keep her updated on your health Nunnally agreed to go. She knows you’re here with me and although she wanted to come for our wedding day it was highly discouraged.”

Lulu couldn’t breathe. Nunnally was safe and alive. She had been deceived just as Lulu had, but on a much smaller scale. At least Nunnally didn’t believe Lulu dead. That was a start and it would make everything that came later much easier. Lulu couldn’t only hope that Nunnally was just as angry as she was, but something told Lulu that her sister couldn’t hate Suzaku. Her sister’s heart would never allow it.

“Does she know about Rhiannon? Does she know about her niece?”

“Yes, she has been made aware.”

“I assume,” Lulu began, “I will be unable to see her or for Nunnally to see Rhiannon.”

Suzaku nodded, “As of now, you have no memories of her and Rolo is you brother.”

Lulu wanted to scream. She had known for some time that Rolo was a replacement and a possible informant for her father as well as Suzaku, but it made her angrier to know that Suzaku had to have played a larger part in the boy’s appointment. She was also sure that he was no normal boy. There were moments when he seemed almost cold and apathetic to all around him. Rolo was more than an informant. Rolo Lamperouge was an _assassin_.

“You ripped my only family from me to make your own,” Lulu spat.

Suzaku’s eyes hardened again. He stormed forward until he was right in front of her. He was only slightly taller than her, but Lulu still had to tilt her chin up to meet his eyes.

“You did this to yourself,” he sneered. “We could have had Nunnally with us, but you chose to start a rebellion. You lost your sister all on your own.”

“Fuck you, Suzaku!”

Suzaku lost it. He slammed her up against the wall, manhandled her wrists until they were above her head, and then used his free hand to cover her mouth. One of his legs was pressed between hers to keep her firmly in place.

“What have I told you about swearing, Lulu?” he asked, his voice light. Lulu went to open her mouth so she could bite him, but his hold only tightened. “Don’t bite, Lulu. I have you right where I want you and even though you thought I forgot your punishment, I promise you I haven’t.”

Lulu could only glare at him. She knew that it was useless to try and fight him when he clearly had the upper hand. He smirked at her before pressing a chaste kiss to her temple. Lulu squeezed her eyes shut at the contact. The twinge of regret she had felt before was washed away with the feeling of dread that replaced it.

“Now, I’m going to take my hand away so we can talk like civilized adults.” Suzaku did and Lulu took a deep calming breath. He sighed before cupping her cheek and swiping his finger across her cheekbone.

“What exactly do you plan to punish me with, Suzaku? You’ve already taken so much from me. What could there possibly be left for you to take?”

“You,” Suzaku answered softly. “All of you.”

“What?”

Suzaku smirked. “I’ll make you fall in love with me again. That should be punishment enough, don’t you think? You hate me so much right now and I know how much it hurts, but just like you made me fall in love with you I’ll make you fall in love with me.”

“I didn’t _make_ you do anything!”

Lulu started to fight again. She couldn’t let Suzaku go any further with this. It was too much and her mind supplied a few things that her _husband_ could do to her in this moment. He had the upper hand and no one would be coming to her aid this time.

“Didn’t you? You pulled me back from the edge after Euphie died. You told me you loved me and I know you did,” Suzaku reminded. He pushed closer and Lulu stiffened at his proximity. “Only I know how deep your love goes. I know how much you still care for me even if you won’t admit it to yourself.”

“My feelings for you have long since disappeared,” she hissed. “They died when I realized what you’d done. What you did to play me and keep me at your side.”

“The feelings will come back, Lulu. I know they aren’t completely dead. I’ll help you fall in love with me again.” He leaned forward and dragged his lips across her other cheek. Lulu inhaled sharply at the contact. “I know _exactly_ how to make you sing.”

“This isn’t the way to make people love you, Suzaku. I can’t love you again after what you’ve done. I can’t forgive you for….”

“You will. Forgive me that is. I don’t plan to treat you unkindly, Lulu. I’ll have you in ecstasy just I did before all this. I’ll have you writhing in pleasure and moaning my name so loud the guards will come to see what all the fuss is about.”

“Never! Need I remind you that kidnapping someone is _unkind_. Not to mention that you took….”

Suzaku’s grip tightened on her and Lulu hissed in pain. His lips moved to her ear as he whispered, “Making people fall in love with you and refusing to love or forgive them is _unkind_. Especially, when they have forgiven you more than once.”

Suzaku bit down harshly on her lobe then. Lulu winced at the pain and scrunched her eyes shut again. Her hands were clenched tight above her head in Suzaku’s tight grip. She only further tensed when Suzaku placed gentle kisses down the length of her neck as his free hand tilted her head up for better access.

“I can’t leave too many marks where others can see. We can’t have people asking too many questions, but there are more less conspicuous places to mark you, Lulu.”

“Don’t do this, Suzaku,” Lulu begged. She knew it was a long shot, but she had to try. Lulu had to stop him before this whole thing went too far. “You don’t have to do this.”

Suzaku pulled back and just stared at her. She wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but the look of disappointment in his eyes clearly told her that he hadn’t found it. “I don’t want to, Lulu. You are all I ever wanted. Then you gave me our daughter and I couldn’t have loved you more, but then C.C. came and ruined it all. I need to show you _exactly_ who you belong to and who holds your life in their hands.”

“But this...Suzaku this wrong,” Lulu tried. She ignored the possessive note in his voice in hopes that he would see this for the insanity that it was. “Can you really not see how wrong this all is? Everything you’ve done has taken so much from me and you don’t even care.”

“I did all of this to keep you alive. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have you, I have Rhiannon, and I have my place as a Knight of Round. There is nothing more I could ever want. Well, except to make it to the Knight of One and make Area 11 a protectorate, but that will come in time.”

“Suzaku...please….”

“Besides, loving you can never be wrong, Lulu.”

He smiled sweetly at her before kissing her cheek again. He pulled her hands down in front of her and dragged her towards the bed. Lulu tried to pull away, but the whole thing was futile. Whatever Suzaku had planned could only be going in one direction and Lulu didn’t like it one bit. He had already used their connection once to make the deal in the first place and Lulu wasn’t sure she could take any more of it.

“Suza-Suzaku...what are you planning?” Lulu demanded. She flinched at the sound of fear in her voice, but Suzaku paid her no mind as he pulled her in front of him and pushed her to sit on the bed. “Suzaku….”

“Don’t run, Lulu. You know I can catch you. So, logically, running would be useless,” he replied instead.

Lulu eyed him as he went over to his dresser and pulled a couple of things out. Logically, she knew he was right. He would catch her and whatever was coming would be worse than she could have already imagined. Lulu didn’t want to cooperate, but her choices were limited no matter how much her body was urging her to run. If Suzaku had planned ahead, then the front door would be locked and guards would be out front waiting to catch her and bring her back. The rooms they were quartered in only had artificial windows as they were in the central part of the castle itself so there was no escape there. The heating and cooling ducts were thin slits in the upper and lower walls that did their job perfectly without being bulky, so that was out too.

Suzaku had her caged in and the only way out was through the front door where, effectively, the exit was sealed off as well and out of the question. It was clear that he couldn’t be reasoned with either and Lulu should have been mentally preparing herself for the worst, but her brain was too focused on what Suzaku was grabbing out of the drawer. Suzaku didn’t turn around so she could see what he chose as he shut the dresser drawer and Lulu wondered what he could possible need from his underwear drawer.

“Get on the bed and lay on your stomach, Lulu.”

Lulu scoffed, “You don’t actually think that I’m going to….”

“DO IT!” Suzaku yelled as he turned around. The items must have been placed on the top of the dresser out of her line of vision, but the liquid fire in Suzaku’s eyes was enough to terrify her. He was furious and as much as Lulu liked to piss him off, right now didn’t seem to be the best time. “Because the longer it takes the more I will make this punishment hurt, Lulu. It won’t only be physical. I’ll delve into your almost nonexistent emotions and keep you from your daughter and your sister _permanently._ ”

“What are you…?” Lulu was dumbfounded by his threat. She had never thought he had the guts to take Rhiannon from her mother, but apparently he did. “You wouldn’t, Suzaku!”

“I don’t want to, Lulu, but I will if I have to,” he promised.

“What _happened_ to you, Suzaku? You’ve completely lost your mind. You aren’t the sweet boy I grew up with anymore. You aren’t even the considerate man I fell in love with. I don’t know _who_ you are, but you aren’t the same man that I loved all my life until now.”

The fire in Suzaku’s eyes died a little and Lulu remained hopeful. If she could get him to calm down, then maybe she could avoid whatever “punishment” Suzaku had in mind. It was all she could do with all effective escape routes closed off to her.

“ _You_ happened, Lulu. Everything you’ve done in the name of revenge has led us to this moment,” Suzaku answered as he stalked forward. “I’m not the same because the person I love decided they could play chess with peoples live as if they were nothing. I _changed_ because you did and now we both have to live with that.”

Lulu rolled her eyes, “I should have known you would blame this all on me. Everything that has gone wrong is my fault and no one else's because no one else made choices that changed the course of the future. Really Suzaku, I thought you would have thought up something original.”

“I won’t ask again, Lulu, get on the bed and lay face down. My patience is thinning and the longer you stall the worse it will be.”

Lulu sighed in the hopes that it made her look unfazed, but Suzaku would know better. It was a front because Lulu was _terrified_. Whatever was about to happen would not end well for her. That much was clear. If she didn’t do what Suzaku asked of her then Lulu would lose her daughter and her sister. That would be too much for her to deal with no matter how much she wanted to fight against it all.

Lulu turned around and crawled up the bed to lay with her cheek braced against the pillow. Her hands rested on either side of her head while she waited for more of Suzaku’s orders. She was about to ask what to do next when she felt Suzaku’s hands on her wrists. He brought them together and wrapped something around them. Lulu’s head snapped up when she saw the tie wrapped snugly around her thin wrists. Her mouth hung open as Suzaku tied them to the headboard.

“What the hell, Suzaku?” she yelled. “Release me this instant! I was willing to go along with this, but you are taking this too far!”

Suzaku seemed to ignore her order again as he spoke while moving out of her line of vision. “You should probably stop moving, Lulu. You’ll rub your wrists raw if you keep it up and the last thing you want is for people to see into our private life.”

“Suzaku, I swear….” Whatever Lulu was going to say got stuck in her throat when she saw a cloth brought in front of her eyes. She shook her head to keep the blindfold off, but Suzaku was quick to get it over her eyes and secured around her head without catching any of her long hair in the knot. “Suzaku!”

“You look beautiful, Lulu. I wish you could see how gorgeous you are tied up and at my mercy. It’s a nice change.”

“This is getting ridiculous, Suzaku,” she hissed in reply. “Let me go before I scream for the guards.”

“I wouldn’t try it. I already told the guards that no matter what they hear to ignore it. They understood wanting some _intimate_ time with my lovely wife,” he revealed. “They told me to enjoy myself. Now don’t move.”

Lulu was about to yell him again when there was a sliver of cold metal sliding up her back from the base of her spine. She heard the tell-tale sign of a _snip_ from behind her and realized that Suzaku was cutting her shirt in half to get her upper half naked. She stilled and waited. Suzaku moved her hair to the side as he reached the top and snipped the last of it.

“Was that really necessary?” Lulu grit out.

“Of course. I could have had you remove it from the start, but that would have ruined the illusion. You would have fought me more and that would have been unacceptable as this is a punishment,” he answered. “I have to break your pride and the best way is to not give you a choice.”

Suzaku pulled the pieces of her shirt aside before unclasping her bra and pulling the straps to the side. She felt his hands on her hips as he placed a kiss between you shoulder blades. Then he reached around her front to unbutton her pants before slowly pulling them off. He left her underwear on and Lulu wondered where this whole thing was going to go if he wasn’t going to accost her.

After a long moment of Suzaku just looking at her she felt him grab a pillow from her side of the bed. He indicated for her to raise her hips and she did. He slid the pillow beneath her and kissed the small of her back in praise.

“This may be a punishment, but your comfort is important too.”

“Small consolation,” she hissed.

Suzaku ignored her, “Now, you are going to want to relax, Lulu, or this will only hurt more.”

“And what, pray tell, is it that is going to….ah!”

The sharp sting of the leather against her shoulder blades caught her off guard, but made it perfectly clear what her punishment was. Suzaku was _whipping_ her. Lulu had never thought Suzaku would ever resort to something like this before and she wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through without losing her control.

“Suzaku….”

Another sting of leather hit along the middle of her back and Lulu couldn’t help the hiss that escaped her lips once the leather slid away. Another hit along her lower back not a second later and it took every muscle in her body not to arch at the sting of pain. Instead, Lulu kept her body rigid and held her breath as another hit smacked against the swell of her ass.

“I’m not hitting too hard am I, Lulu?” Suzaku inquired. His hand smoothed across the fresh welts causing her to gasp at the warmth of his hand against the damaged skin. “I haven’t broken skin so you should be okay. You might bruise a little though.”

“I...I t-thought you said you didn’t want to leave marks,” she stated as the heat from Suzaku’s hand pulled away. “You don’t...don’t want questions into our private life….”

“No, but you still need to learn your lesson, Lulu.”

“And what lesson is that exactly?”

Lulu knew she was pushing the boundaries of his self-control. With all her eyesight removed from the equation Lulu could almost sense Suzaku’s growing frustration. She knew he was tense by the way the room fell silent and Suzaku’s hand gripped tighter around whatever he was using to hit her.

“That you are mine and mine alone,” he answered before returning to his task. Suzaku grunted a few times as the whipping instrument hit her across the back in less controlled strokes. Lulu could only gasp at the pain that was blossoming through her body as Suzaku finally snapped.

If he had hoped that this was something he could turn into a sexual encounter, he was surely going to be disappointed. She had never wanted any type of BDSM play in the bedroom since she didn’t trust him enough to give up control. She knew enough about this type of play to know that consent was the most important thing and Lulu hadn’t given it. She had never consented to this.

After a moment, Lulu noticed that she was crying from the pain. The blindfold was soaked, but she hadn’t noticed that until it was removed with a flick of Suzaku’s fingers and the sopping fabric hit her bound arms. Lulu cried silently as Suzaku continued for a few minutes more, but it was enough for Lulu to feel the wetness on her back.

“St-stop...Suzaku….” she whispered. Lulu thought about begging, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. "Su-suzaku….” Suzaku himself was breathing hard, but he must have heard her because he did stop. Lulu turned her head slowly to look at him over her shoulder.

He must have taken his shirt off sometime while she fought through the pain. His hair was wet with perspiration and his face was red with exertion. He dropped the whip he had been punishing her with and moved out her line of vision. Lulu didn’t care what type it was. It had caused too much pain for her to care. All she knew was that she would find it and dispose of it at the earliest opportunity.

“Where...wh-where are you go-going?”

“Quiet, Lulu,” Suzaku snapped.

Lulu stopped talking long enough to take a deep breath and calm down when she felt something cold against her skin. Suzaku’s hands were still warm, but they were coated in some kind of lotion or gel. It stung the welts on her back and she hissed at the contact the longer Suzaku kept at it.

As he moved farther down to her ass, Lulu tensed up again. She started to squirm and it took a steadying hand on her shoulder to keep her in place as he dipped his hand underneath the fabric to rub the lotion in. When he dipped his fingers closer to her sex Lulu felt tears returning to her eyes.

“You did well, Lulu,” he praised as his fingers slid to her sex. Her body hadn’t reacted to the stimulation, but as he rubbed his fingers against her body reacted against her will. “You were even quieter than I expected. I didn’t expect, however, for a punishment to turn you on so much.”

“IT DIDN’T!” she screamed. “Nothing was happening until you…stop, Suzaku....No!” His fingers slipped inside and Lulu felt her whole world fall apart.

“It’s so warm inside, Lulu,” he commented as he thrust his fingers in and out of her. His fingers curled along her walls and a whimper escaped past her lips. “It’s been a long time since I’ve sheathed myself inside your heat. How bad do you want my cock inside you, Lulu?”

“I do-don’t want...stop, Suzaku!”

“You deserve a reward for taking your punishment so well.”

“No!”

Suzaku pulled his fingers out and Lulu let out a sigh of relief at the loss of contact. She closed her eyes as she felt him move away from her and Lulu took a minute to take a deep breath. Then she felt her underwear being removed and she panicked. Lulu tried to scramble away, but Suzaku held her in place as he pulled her free of the fabric.

“Suza...no...I don’t...please…don’t….”

Suzaku shushed her which did nothing to calm the terror in her chest. He situated her onto her knees with her elbows supporting the rest of her weight. She tried to beg him again to just leave it be, her pride be damned, but he ignored her.

She felt him situate himself beneath her. She felt Suzaku’s hands on the inside of her thighs before he guided her to spread her legs a bit. When he had her where he wanted her, Suzaku inserted his fingers back inside and used his free hand to guide her hips down. Lulu bit her lip to keep from making a sound as Suzaku continued to violate her.

The first swipe of his tongue along her clit made her shudder. He hummed at the taste of her juices just as he always had before, but it was different this time. She wasn’t a willing participant in the intercourse. Lulu was pretty much a doll to be used at this point. No matter how much she _didn’t_ want it there wasn’t anything she could do as he forced pleasure from her.

“I’ll make you feel good, Lulu. You took your punishment well and you deserve a reward for all your hard work.”

“I don’t...ne-ed a re-ward…I just want...want to….”

“What, Lulu?”

Lulu took a deep breath to calm her stammering before answering. “I just want to be done.”

“You want me to leave you like this? That isn’t like you, Lulu.”

It wasn’t. Normally, she would have demanded sexual gratification, but not tonight. Nothing about tonight had been normal and Lulu couldn’t handle anymore. She wanted to put on her pajamas and crawl under the covers. She wanted to sleep the pain away and then wake up in the morning to clean away the remnants of her misery. Not necessarily in that order.

“ _Please_ , Suzaku. I just want to sleep.”

Suzaku was quiet for a moment. His breath was warm against her sex and his fingers were still buried inside her. It felt nice to be touched, but it wasn’t something that she wanted to ever do with Suzaku ever again. Besides, Lulu was doing her best to keep herself still so as not to push the situation any further in the direction of intercourse.

“Alright,” he agreed. “Another time.”

She tensed at his words because she didn’t want there to be _another time_. She wanted this to be the only time and it would be if she could get away from him. Lulu would escape if it was the last thing she did.

He pulled his fingers out slowly before removing himself from below her. He came around and untied the fabric around her wrists. Lulu was shaking and her body was tired. Her back ached and burned. She turned her body away from him and sat up slowly. Her legs were trembling from lack of use as she stood up with the help of the end table next to the bed.

“Lulu, let me help you,” Suzaku offered.

“I think,” Lulu hissed, “you have done enough.”

“You are going to need help, Lulu. Don’t be so stubborn and let me assist you.”

“The last thing I want is your _help_ , Suzaku. The trust between us was broken before, but it’s completely gone now. I can’t trust you to not take advantage of the situation and accost me in the shower.”

Once Lulu’s legs were stable she made her way over to her dresser to pull out some pajamas that wouldn’t aggravate her wounds and a new pair of underwear. Then she made her way to the bathroom and locked herself inside.

Lulu hadn’t expected Suzaku to take things this far. Under normal circumstances he would have ran everything by her first before doing _anything_ , but he had made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t doing that anymore. Then trying to _convince_ her that she was feeling pleasure was a clear manipulation tactic that he wasn’t good at. The only thing that confused her was that he had finally stopped when she asked. Lulu wasn’t sure what to make of it except that maybe he finally realized how wrong it all was, but that possibility was unlikely. Whatever the reason, Lulu knew for a fact that she had to get out of the palace and away from Suzaku as soon as possible.

Lulu nodded to herself at her reaffirmed conviction before she promptly dropped all her clothes on the counter and turned on the shower before going to the mirror to look at the welts on her back. Lulu bit her lip to keep the sounds at bay as she traced one of the marks. The tears welled in her eyes and it took everything she had not to scream. The last thing she wanted was for Suzaku to come running to her rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s a wrap for this chapter! The next one, I’m thinking will be from Suzaku’s pov, but I guess we will see where the story takes us!
> 
> Note: 1. I do not condone abuse of any kind! Abuse is wrong no matter what form it comes in! (Physical, Emotional, Mental, Sexual, etc…)
> 
> 2\. BDSM is about consent and trust as well as thorough research! (Obviously, Suzaku did none of these things as was the point.) 
> 
> 3\. Aftercare IS VERY IMPORTANT. It should never be forgotten or not done.
> 
> Before I wrote the “punishment” scene, I made sure that I had hopefully a good/decent understanding of what it means to participate in a BDSM scene with a partner you trust, which ultimately took me out of my comfort zone. It isn’t perfect in any way or any form, but I took a shot.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, your support, and your comments! All are greatly appreciated!  
> ~BlainexKurtxLovex


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